Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
