The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
