don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize