hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
