I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize