did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I lost the right to judge tonight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
