Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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