after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
