is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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