is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
