even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
