There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize