it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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