a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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