He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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