Well douche your snatch and let's go!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize