Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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