sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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