I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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