using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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