Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
