The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize