I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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