So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
