Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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