drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
