My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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