Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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