For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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