and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
