did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize