Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize