Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
