Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
