i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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