dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
