i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
