I wanna bring you to show and tell
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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