i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
