it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
