It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
