Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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