I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drake has all the answers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
