marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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