I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
