i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
