His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
