I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize