We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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