I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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