I just saw a hot homeless man
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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