can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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