bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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