I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize