come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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