We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
