i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
