Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
