Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
