I faked an abortion last night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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