Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
