I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
