I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
