There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
