I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
