he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
