I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
