I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
