Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
