This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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