Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize