I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
