We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
