guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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