Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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