I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
